As part of of violence against women series

In his insightful book “The Ten Lies Men Believe,” J. Lee Grady confronts common misconceptions about masculinity, encouraging men to embrace a more authentic and fulfilling understanding of themselves. Each of these lies is countered by powerful truths found in the pages of the Bible, providing a solid foundation for debunking cultural stereotypes.

  1. “Real Men Don’t Cry”: Grady challenges the notion that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, emphasizing the importance of vulnerability and authenticity. Corresponding Bible Verse: “Jesus wept.” – John 11:35. This verse highlights Jesus’ own display of emotion, showing that even the Son of God expressed sadness and vulnerability.
  2. “Real Men Don’t Need Help”: Some men believe that asking for help is a sign of incompetence. Grady argues that seeking assistance is a strength, not a weakness. Corresponding Bible Verse: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. This passage emphasizes the importance of mutual support and assistance.
  3. “Real Men Don’t Need Relationships”: This lie suggests that men can thrive without meaningful connections, but Grady stresses the importance of healthy relationships for personal growth and fulfillment. Corresponding Bible Verse: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” – Genesis 2:18. This verse speaks to the fundamental need for companionship and relationship.
  4. “Real Men Are Always in Control”: Grady debunks the myth that true masculinity requires complete control over every aspect of life, encouraging men to embrace vulnerability and relinquish the need for constant control. Corresponding Bible Verse: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5. This passage encourages trust in God rather than relying solely on one’s own ability to control every situation.
  5. “Real Men Don’t Need God”: Some men believe that self-sufficiency is the epitome of masculinity, but Grady argues that true strength comes from relying on a higher power and cultivating a spiritual life. Corresponding Bible Verse: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” – Isaiah 40:31. This verse highlights the strength and renewal that comes from placing one’s trust in God.
  6. “Real Men Don’t Need to Grieve”: Grady addresses the misconception that men should suppress their emotions, particularly grief, and emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to mourn and heal. Corresponding Bible Verse: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4. This beatitude acknowledges the importance of mourning and promises comfort to those who grieve.
  7. “Real Men Just Want Sex”: This lie reduces men to mere physical desires, ignoring their emotional and relational needs. Grady emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and healthy intimacy in relationships. Corresponding Bible Verse: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25. This passage emphasizes sacrificial love and mutual respect within marriage.
  8. “Real Men Don’t Talk About Their Pain”: Men are often conditioned to keep their struggles to themselves, but Grady argues that sharing one’s pain is essential for healing and building authentic connections with others. Corresponding Bible Verse: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2. This verse encourages openness and vulnerability within Christian community.
  9. “Real Men Have to Be Tough”: Grady challenges the notion that masculinity is synonymous with toughness and aggression, advocating for a more balanced and compassionate approach to manhood. Corresponding Bible Verse: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” – Galatians 5:22-23. These qualities of the Spirit provide a counterpoint to the idea that masculinity is solely about toughness.
  10. “Real Men Don’t Need to Grow Up”: This lie suggests that maturity is optional for men, but Grady emphasizes the importance of personal growth and taking responsibility for one’s actions and choices. Corresponding Bible Verse: “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” – 1 Corinthians 13:11. This verse speaks to the call to maturity and putting aside childish ways as one grows in faith.

In conclusion, “The Ten Lies Men Believe” challenges men to break free from societal stereotypes and embrace a more authentic and balanced understanding of masculinity, rooted in biblical truth. By debunking these lies with the timeless wisdom of Scripture, men can find greater freedom, fulfillment, and purpose in their lives.


10 Lies Men Believe is a compassionate but confrontational look at the reasons why so many Christian men today are in serious crisis. The author, who has spent eight years confronting the abuse of women in more than twenty countries, believes men are failing in marriage, fatherhood, friendships, and careers because of ten wrong mind-sets inherited from culture.  With gut-level honesty, the author offers practical answers for men who struggle with a variety of issues, including addiction, abusive tendencies, pornography, controlling behavior, and emotional problems rooted in a lack of proper fathering. The book is also an excellent resource for women who are suffering because of mistreatment by the men in their lives.

The book can be purchased here: https://koorong.com/product/10-lies-men-believe-j-lee-grady_9781616381370

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